The way of the Mallu ;-) :-P

Our population seems to be on a constant rise and so is the probability of bumping into a malayalee (mallu for short). It is not the number that amazes me time and again but the wide distribution of the clan. Of course if you want to find a mallu, the ideal search locations would be every nook and corner of all the 14 districts of the mother-ship called "Kerala" and its counterpart "the Gelff" (The gulf countries, 6 in number i.e. UAE, Oman, Bahrain, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and Kuwait are pronounced by a typical mallu this way!).

It is a well known fact that a non-mallu would be glad not to meet one while walking miles away from the roads of the aforementioned places for some peace of mind. But the theory of inevitability states that if you are on earth and minding your own business then you are bound to bump into a mallu!

How to identify a mallu?

• One of the simplest ways of identifying is to talk to the person. There is this classic touch mallus give to their pronunciation of English words. Simply becomes Simbly, Example becomes Examble, Complicated becomes Comblicated etc. etc.
• The major ingredient of their food is 'coconut'.
• Another method of identification is a unique clothing style called a "lungi" (which most people use these days) or their formal counterpart the "mundu". In general both can be defined as a lengthy piece of cloth hanging from the waist to the ankles which can also be folded up in times of aggression or when the person needs a casual "airy" look/feel ;-) Differentiating a lungi from a mundu is just the matter of identifying the various colors of lungi formed in a pattern that can only be found on Windows Media Player Visualizations! 
• But if you think there's no lungi and his/her word pronunciation system is flawless then what? Then get the person to meet another mallu. This is how the conversation goes between them...

          Mallu - 1: Hi, I'm from Kerala

          Mallu - 2: Ohh, evidenna (where from?)

          Mallu - 1: Ohh, malayalee analle. Njan Kochi, evidenna? (Ohh, you're a malayalee huh? I'm from Kochi and you?)

Its as if neither of them would have peace until they assure each other they are not neighbours (And mind you, neighbour means anyone within 30kms of their home town!) or long lost brothers and at the same time recall which of their mother's uncles's brother-in-law's friend is working in the same place!! Its more like where there is land, there is a malayalee and no place, work or title is left unexplored!

Well, no offense meant to the malayalee folks out there. I am a malayalee myself by birth with the advantage of having lived in numerous states of India including Kerala and countries abroad. This was just a general observation which I've always wanted to pen down :-)