My love-hate affair ;-)

They say, "hair today, gone tomorrow". In many parts of the world, a haircut may not be a big deal. Now I understand why many of the novels and movies show the leading lady heading to a salon to cut and color her locks! A significant change in a lady's hair can not only change how the world looks at her but also how she looks at the world. A cute bouncy bob might suggest a cheerful, casual personality, a very stylish and sophisticated cut might suggest she means business and you're not supposed to mess with her :-P and a long, well-cared for locks might suggest a personality with loads of patience ;-)

I've always had a love-hate affair with my hair. Due to certain rules at school we had to wear uniform and braid our hair. That's the only time I remember begging my mother to braid them. Otherwise, right from my childhood I've never really felt any great affection for my hair and always preferred it short much to the dismay of my mother. Caring for my once long hair (I braided it everyday from class 7th to class 10th and that's the only time I remember having hip-length long locks. The only other time was during my engineering days when ragging in our hostels meant we weren't allowed to chop 'em off!) was time consuming and drying it took almost half a day! It was heavy against the neck in summers and in winters it itched! So it was then I decided that it was time for us to part ways. Its another story that I had to listen to my mom's non-stop scolding sessions for about a week! But which style I wanted, I didn't know and didn't really care. So, I went to this Anglo-Indian lady who had a salon at her home and asked her to take it all away. Half way through the haircut, my eyes started welling up and she waited for them to subside enough to finish her job! For a moment there, I even thought of asking her to sweep up all the clipped hair and put it all back!!

Then came my cousin's wedding and everyone was so excited about wearing the traditional sarees and matching gold jewellery and really dressing up for the occasion. Most of the long distance phone conversations were filled with how they couldn't find matching bangles for a particular colored saree or how they were going to try this new hairstyle which was popular in some blockbuster movie at that time etc etc. The more I listened to the conversation, the more my mother's words echoed in my ears - "All Indian girls have long hair except you" :-(

Despite my very nauseating fears, the whole wedding process was exciting. The application of Mehndi (Henna) in various designs on our hands (I had orange hands for about a month and orange nails for about two months!), teasing my cousin, running here and there for no reason etc. On the day of the wedding, everything was exciting until the make-up woman came. After getting dressed in a very nice traditional outfit my mom had picked out for me, I tugged at my hair consciously trying not to worry. After all, the make up lady would know how to deal with it right? Wrong! She did all sorts of hairstyles for the other cousins who had long or manageable hair and finally when it was my turn to get transformed, she had dismay written all over her face in bold letters! She just left me there saying nothing could be done with my just-above-shoulder length hair! When everyone finally left the room after passing sympathetic glances at my direction, I started by curling my hair a little at the bottom and using some nice pins to set them in a particular style which I considered 'okay'. I just slumped in the chair thinking I was at my worst. But everyone said I looked sophisticated and different! Wow, I thought happily. Different is just me!!

Since then, I've grown my hair long enough to be three-four inches below my shoulders and then chop them off half a dozen times. I even contemplated having a new hair style once but never got myself to it. It is definitely still a love-hate relationship. Now, at twenty seven, I wear it just below my shoulders. It has a slightly wavy feel to it sometimes and is my natural black. Now, that's completely me and I am happy :-)

Facing the reality

35% stuff never happens because anxiety is the result of a tired and not confident mind.
30% stuff belongs to the past and it cannot be altered.
17% stuff is criticism which is mostly untrue and made by people who feel inferior.
10% stuff is related to health which worsens if you feel the heat and worry.
ONLY 8% stuff is legitimate in life and has to be met head on after getting rid of the above senseless worries.


Life knocks you down pretty hard. But you can choose whether or not to get back up and fight.

The real secret :-P

About to have my lunch and that's when I realized this.

The real secret to attract all the positive good stuff from the universe??

Be negative!!

It's science people!! :-)

The ABCD effect

You might be wondering, what's with the weird title! Well, its something I happened to discover during our Digital Signal Processing classes in my engineering days. This effect is actually applicable to most of the subjects right from our kindergarten. Let me give you an example to explain what I mean. The name came up from the very same analogy. This effect shows itself in two ways -


Consider a student of class-1 who missed the whole of his kindergarten classes. What I mean is that he has no idea what ABCD...Z is and doesn't even know how to write it. For such a kid, when a teacher writes "CAT", its the same effect as looking at a person drawing a mountain or a hill. For the kid, there's a curve and a few straight lines joined together on the black board. All he can do is take it down, as it is ,and call it "C-A-T" as he's told. This is how I used to understand DSP in my engineering days! For all I knew, X[k] looked good and surprisingly was totally different from x[k] or X(k). So I just took it down and accepted it as was given and called it as Fourier series or transform or something like that!!


Now consider another student of the same class who attended all his kindergarten classes but didn't understand a thing of what was happening. What I mean is that if he sees "CAT", he knows there's a "C"(see) , an "A"(aay) and a "T" (tee). But frustratingly for the kid, the teacher keeps calling it "CAT" when all he can see is "SeeAayTee". And when asked to spell out "BAT" he can find no letter from A-Z which can make it sound like that. Similarly in DSP, even when I understood the meaning of X[k],X(k) or x[k], I had no idea what the heck it was useful for or what could I possibly do with it!!


Then again, there are the perfect students who know their ABCD's , know how it varies and exactly how and where its used. Similarly, there were people in my class who understood DSP very well in those days!!


Since, if you miss anything in kindergarten you don't understand most of Class 1, and so on to Class 2 etc., it can be seen from Mathematical Induction (which I picked up from one of those classes on the way here), that whatever you miss in Class N, is directly the effect of your non-attentiveness in Class M (M<=N).


Anyway, cutting the crap, ABCD effect helped me classify most students in my class during those days...If you manage to classify any other group do let me know so as to expand the ABCD effect :-)

Weird world

I just thought I'd drop in a few lines about some things that run through my mind but which don't make any sense or are just not worth bothering.

If I were in your shoes/place - We all must have come across this situation at one point or the other where we are in a predicament or in the middle of a problem or more precisely where we are in deep sh#* and wondering what to do next or how to deal with it, when someone comes over and says in a deep voice "hey...if I were in your place...". Here you are trying so hard to deal with an issue of your own and you have to add to it someone else's imaginary problems? All these "if's" are a whole lot of imaginary scenarios which tend to give the person never dreamt of powers. If a person is looking for a chance to boost his/her ego then I let them do it and later pray that the person is never in my shoes. But if you are a sadist, then pray that the person is in your shoes! Look at it this way - if the "if" made any sense then I'd just walk over to my boss and say "hey...if I were in your shoes/place, I'd give myself a raise" :-) But, funnily enough, things don't work this way.

Assumptions - Funnily enough again, people are born with these. Positive assumptions are always great as they keep you boosted for no particular reason. Then again, negative assumptions are also fine until they become a surety because then they are not assumptions anymore and a fact is rather difficult to handle. Its more like - a baby assumes he is giving us a fun time, a kindergarten kid assumes he is the smartest guy around, a high school kid assumes he is the coolest guy around and understands everything, a college guy thinks pretty much the same plus that he knows what he wants in life. I haven't gotten very far past that point myself even though I am older than a college going kid ;-) So, if I were to update this post in say 15 years from now, then I'd be able to fill out the rest of the human cycle. The thing is that there is no point being bothered about assumptions....and I am just assuming that all this made sense :-)

Selflessness - Ah, this is what I find very funny sometimes. I have felt many a times that there is not one person in the world who has done anything without having their own interest in mind except for our parents. I know that you can quote hundreds of instances of selfless acts by people, by famous personalities. But there are several ways to break it down so that it shows the selfish nature of humanity. Even leaders of mass organizations are in effect working for personal gain. Agreed that other people gain by it too. But that is where I draw the line between the word definition of selfishness and my definition of selfishness.

Frankly, I am totally out of ideas for a post. If I were in your shoes, I'd just read all my older posts, but then again.... :-)

I just noticed that this is my 100th post (and obviously my worst post ever) and its been more than a year since I started writing this blog...Whoa! Can't believe its been this long!! Heartfelt thanks to all the folks who are still reading this blog and also to the new ones out there...Again, I am assuming that I have readers :-P

The way of the Mallu ;-) :-P

Our population seems to be on a constant rise and so is the probability of bumping into a malayalee (mallu for short). It is not the number that amazes me time and again but the wide distribution of the clan. Of course if you want to find a mallu, the ideal search locations would be every nook and corner of all the 14 districts of the mother-ship called "Kerala" and its counterpart "the Gelff" (The gulf countries, 6 in number i.e. UAE, Oman, Bahrain, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and Kuwait are pronounced by a typical mallu this way!).

It is a well known fact that a non-mallu would be glad not to meet one while walking miles away from the roads of the aforementioned places for some peace of mind. But the theory of inevitability states that if you are on earth and minding your own business then you are bound to bump into a mallu!

How to identify a mallu?

• One of the simplest ways of identifying is to talk to the person. There is this classic touch mallus give to their pronunciation of English words. Simply becomes Simbly, Example becomes Examble, Complicated becomes Comblicated etc. etc.
• The major ingredient of their food is 'coconut'.
• Another method of identification is a unique clothing style called a "lungi" (which most people use these days) or their formal counterpart the "mundu". In general both can be defined as a lengthy piece of cloth hanging from the waist to the ankles which can also be folded up in times of aggression or when the person needs a casual "airy" look/feel ;-) Differentiating a lungi from a mundu is just the matter of identifying the various colors of lungi formed in a pattern that can only be found on Windows Media Player Visualizations! 
• But if you think there's no lungi and his/her word pronunciation system is flawless then what? Then get the person to meet another mallu. This is how the conversation goes between them...

          Mallu - 1: Hi, I'm from Kerala

          Mallu - 2: Ohh, evidenna (where from?)

          Mallu - 1: Ohh, malayalee analle. Njan Kochi, evidenna? (Ohh, you're a malayalee huh? I'm from Kochi and you?)

Its as if neither of them would have peace until they assure each other they are not neighbours (And mind you, neighbour means anyone within 30kms of their home town!) or long lost brothers and at the same time recall which of their mother's uncles's brother-in-law's friend is working in the same place!! Its more like where there is land, there is a malayalee and no place, work or title is left unexplored!

Well, no offense meant to the malayalee folks out there. I am a malayalee myself by birth with the advantage of having lived in numerous states of India including Kerala and countries abroad. This was just a general observation which I've always wanted to pen down :-)

Oh My God!

I don't usually write about too many too serious things in life. There are certain things you cannot be funny about like poverty, patriotism, ethics or the reason behind this write up - faith. I am not talking about questions like 'Does God really exist' or 'What is the meaning of life'. Neither am I searching for God here in this blog space.


Born in a South Indian Iyer family, I have always been taught to pray, to say prayers everyday, to visit temples every now and then, to give offerings to God etc. I guess everyone does these. My mother does pooja everyday and I have grown up watching her doing that. I too visit the temples once in a while. There was a point in my life when I used to visit the 'Panchamukhi Hanuman' temple daily at 7.00 am just before getting into my office bus. But lately, somewhere down the lane, I seem to have lost it (after all the experiences in my life and more so after the sudden death of my Dad). I just can’t seem to get myself to visit the temples regularly or pray wholeheartedly these days.


The only time I come close to praying wholeheartedly is whenever I visit the Ettumanoor Mahadeva temple in my hometown, standing in front of Lord Shiva (The only other time I came close to praying was at the Samadhi of Shirdi Sai Baba in Shirdi recently). I kept looking at the statue and the amazing calmness and aura that was exuberating from the deity. Later, as I sat outside the temple, I saw this old man, who could hardly walk, going around the temple saying his prayers. He had a walking stick in his hand and was moving at a pace at which even snails could beat him. But still he went around not resting even a bit. But as I saw the old man disappear, the question kept popping up in my mind on the amount of faith that he had in the whole ritual. Most of us have rituals of our own to build on our faiths on our respective Gods. After watching that old man that day, I have been forcing myself to pray for a while now.


I look around in temples and see people making huge amount of money as offerings. I sometimes find it difficult to comprehend the fact that good things will occur to me if I get a darshan of one God. I was having these mixed thoughts and trying to restore my old rapport with the God, when someone nearby was talking about this particular temple in Hyderabad which is called the 'Visa temple' (Chilkur Balaji Temple). People who want to go abroad, go there, pray and they get their visas stamped. And there are people who visit certain temples to find their brides/bridegrooms. My aunt called me one of these days and told me she went to this temple about 30 kms away from her home to pray that I get a good life partner! The questions that sometimes pop in my mind are - Would these things appeal to God ? Would He be keeping count of all these things? If I say out some prayer 28 times daily, without even knowing the meaning of it, would I be blessed with all good things in life? And the customs and the rituals which are built on this faith – would I be able to justify them?' I have also asked many friends of mine questions like - ‘What do you pray’, ‘What language do you pray in’,’Is it like a conversation’, just to ascertain that I am normal. I find it selfish and guilty to ask for something to God. And I know I am not the only one who subscribes to this thought.


Many times I have woken up early in the morning for a big day ahead and while getting ready, hear the Suprabhatam/Bhajans etc from the temple nearby. Sometimes it is not the content that strikes me. It is the sweet flow of voice through the air which gives hope for the day ahead, giving positivity to my thoughts. And that is what praying does too, I guess - A positive note to overcome my troubles and a hope of happiness.


Someday, I am sure I will say my prayers by understanding and really meaning them :-)

Amazing caves of Ellora

Over the long weekend I had a chance to visit the amazing Ellora caves as part of a long trip.

The Ellora caves or the Verul Leni as they are known locally are spectacular rock cut caves depicting the Hindu, Buddhist and the Jain faiths, situated in the ancient village of Ellora which is about 30 Kms from Aurangabad in Maharashtra. The coexistence of structures from three different religions serves as a splendid visual representation of the prevalent religious tolerance in India. For this reason and others, the Ellora Caves were designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1983 and is known to be the most visited ancient monument in Maharashtra state.

There are 34 caves in total with exquisite sculptures which were carved out of the Charanadri hills (part of the Sahyadri ranges of the Deccan) somewhere between the 6^th and 10^th centuries. It is said that the carving began around 550AD and went on till 1000AD. Auto rickshaws are available to take people from one set of caves to the other as they are situated a bit far from each other. I could cover only about 20 caves in total because of the time crunch and the rain. Access to many part of the caves is restricted due to security and safety issues.

The Buddhist caves, 12 in number (cave-1 to cave-12) are the earliest of these caves dating to around 500AD. They become more and more elaborately decorated as they progress.  Most of these caves except for one Cave-10 were used for study, communal rituals, meditation, as granary or for eating and sleeping.  All these caves have sculptures of seated Buddhas - either holding a lotus or bejeweled or sitting on a throne of sorts. Some caves even had two or three floors but access to these levels was restricted. The pillars are huge and sculpted too.

The Hindu caves, 17 in number (cave-13 to cave-29), have an entirely different style and are said to have been carved between 600AD and 870AD. These caves occupy the central region of the entire cave complex and are grouped around the famous Kailasa Temple (cave-16). The sculptures adorning the walls of these Hindu caves are in complete contrast to the serene and calm Buddhas. They depict events from the Hindu scriptures. All the Hindu caves are dedicated to the Lord Shiva but some caves also have carvings of Vishnu and his various avataars as well.

Ravana trying to lift Mount Kailas with Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvathi still sitting

Lord Shiva marrying Goddess Parvathi with all the Gods showering blessings

The cave-16 is the most beautifully sculpted of all the caves and is the first cave in sight as you enter the Ellora site. It is known to be the largest single excavation in the world. Infact it is not a cave at all but a magnificent temple carved out of solid rock and is said to represent Kailash, the abode of Lord Shiva. Hence the temple is called Kailashnath, Kailash or the Kailasa temple. This temple is a masterpiece in itself and has amazing sculptures, a feat of human genius. This temple is said to have taken 100 years to complete and has some exquisite carvings. Though carved out of a single solid rock, this looks like a free standing structure of typical southern style. The temple exterior has richly carved windows, images of deities from the Hindu scriptures and Mithunas (amorous male and female figures). Most of the deities to the left of the temple entrance are Shaivaites (followers of Lord Shiva) and the deities to the right of the entrance are Vaishnavaites (followers of Lord Vishnu). The courtyard has two huge Dhwajastambas or pillars with the flagstaff and a Nandi mandapa. The temple is two storeyed and the Kailasa temple is on the first level. The lower storey has life size elephants carved which look like they are holding up the temple on their backs.

Cave-16, The Kailasa Temple

Of all the other Hindu caves stretching to the north of cave-16, I found cave-21 called the Rameshwara interesting. It dates to the late 500s and said to be the oldest Hindu cave. It has some fine sculptures of the two main Hindu river goddesses Ganga and Yamuna, two huge door guardians and some sculptures of Mithunas on the balcony walls.

The Jain caves, 5 in number, dating from late 800s and 900s reflect the distinct Jain philosophy and tradition combined with elaborate decorations. They are not as large as the other caves but contain detailed paintings on the ceilings, fragments of which still are visible. I found cave-32 or the Indra Sabha (Lord Indra’s assembly) interesting amongst the Jain caves. The cave has two levels. The bottom level is plain but the upper level has elaborate carvings. There is a fine lotus flower on the ceiling. Two Thirthankaras guard the entrance to the central shrine. To the right is the Gomateshwara who is meditating so deeply in a forest that vines have grown up his legs and animals, snakes and scorpions crawl at his feet.

Lotus carving at the central shrine

Gomateshwara in deep meditation with the forest vines on his legs

The visit to these caves can be enjoyed to the maximum during monsoons when every stream is filled with water and Mother Nature is in full bloom. The Elaganga, the most prominent of the streams is part of the river Godavari. It is in full vigour during the monsoons and the overflowing waters land at the “Sita-ki-nahani” near cave-29.

Waters of the Elaganga flowing into the Sita-ki-nahani near cave-29

It was a really amazing experience but it was disheartening to see that most of the caves were in poor condition as far as maintaining and preserving the sculptures is concerned. Most of the smaller shrines around the Kailasa were empty and many sculptures look ruined. Most of the caves have a bad odour when you enter them because of the bats hanging from the roof of the cave. But thankfully people have not littered the caves or the surroundings and hence it looks neat with Mother Nature forming a lush green background.

Bats hanging on the ceilings

Who are we?

Over the weekend I was searching for long lost contacts. For people I shared incidents in my life with 15-16 years ago, the people with whom I grew up. But regardless of the extensive social networks, I was unable to locate many of them.

Well, the fault isn't completely on those addictive time-consumers because it really is very hard to remember the full names from that age! And add to that the extensive collection of Indian names with their multitude of possible combinations along with minor variations like the addition of an “h”, removal of an “a” or sometimes a completely different spelling they would have assumed for use on these social media and you have a huge list to dig through. Ask me, I know how it feels to have spelt your name in a particular way your whole school life only to find it spelt in an entirely different way on the certificate finally!! And, of course even if I get a name right, identification based on their facial features would be a near impossibility as I have practically no clue what they would have changed into now. And let’s not forget the distractions posed by the empty pangs of hope that “that particular profile pic could be my friend or I wish it is. Maybe I should drop a message and find out. If not the old one, a new friend made!”.

The final outcome here is that I didn’t make any new friends today nor did I find the old ones. But it made me wonder about the people who were around us and the people who may or may not be around us in the future. In effect it made me think about how we are and what we are.

I know I know...I sound like I just turned 70 ;-)

The fact is that who we are is basically a culmination of all the incidents in our life - both big and small - over a period of time. The incidents can be as big as loosing a parent or as small as choosing where to sit in a crowded place. The same incidents can have completely different effects on different people. How that incident impacts a person depends on how that person assimilates it or may be on the events that might have happened before this incident. Somehow, at a particular point, the past adds up to help read the present and thus define the future.

As I type this, I wonder how big these changes in a person could be as compared to them 15-16 years ago!! May be a change that impacts who we are, how we think or how we react in the present days as compared to so many years ago might require more hard work to understand and to break open the base that was created such a long time ago!

Every person is right and wrong depending on the way he/she reacts to a particular incident. What is it that defines how a person is supposed to be? Would we ever want to change who we are?? Would you be OK with a person who tries to change you from what you already are to someone he/she wants you to be??

Celebrating friendship

International Friendship Day is celebrated on the first Sunday of August every year in many parts of the world. I am a person who believes that friends are forever and should be celebrated throughout the year and not just on a particular day.

The most memorable people in my life have been the one's who loved me when I was not so lovable. Such special people and the relations are hard to find. They are rare and one of a kind. I don't care that I have very few such special people in my life. But I am damn proud that I have the best of the lot :-)

Happy friendship forever. Love you all loads :-)

2000 worth of crap!!

A while ago, I was going through some old receipts and found a bill for Rs. 2000

Description on the bill - "Crap"

I have bought a lot of crap I'm sure, but, never has a bill said "Crap" on my face!!

Turned out to be a bill for a "Crepe Saree" I bought for mom last month.

Sigh...

High level summary...

Most 'managers' like to deal with high level information. I honestly feel that's a very foolish way of working. Here is a symbolic example of how its so so wrong.


Say, there is a report that describes what a great player Sachin Tendulkar is. The summary or the high level information here is that 'Sachin is a great player!' So what does the manager do? He puts Sachin in a Football field and says 'Go on my boy, I heard you are a great player. Go play!'


So, in such a situation Sachin fumbles. Thinking he's got to get out of the situation, he tries getting on with the game. In the end, Sachin gets kicked out cause he couldn't kick.


Well, you would say good for him. Now he can get back to cricket. Right? Wrong!


Now, his track record according to the manager says, 'Pathetic player. Got kicked out'. No other manager is interested in him because they all will look at this new high level summary. They will show him the door, totally unaware of what they are missing out on and depriving the sports world of!!!!!


What a waste!!!

Post-lunch entertainment

Well, this incident happened a long time ago at my office. One afternoon, I opened my eyes after a short 10 minute post-lunch nap and saw this 'cubicle mate'  X rubbing something on his throat...

Me: Is that Iodex??
X(Grinning): Yeah....
Me: Why? Why are you rubbing Iodex on your throat?
X: Isn't it obvious? Throat ache!! (sniff sniff)
Me: What the *&#@%

How do you feel when things come back and bite you in the butt??

Well, that's what happened to X that day. X spends a good part of his office hours analyzing the 'Cultural impacts of facebook on Indian society' and 'Role of Gmail chat in the modern day socio-economic affairs'. Spam forwards are his specialty. He has this nutty one  in which, by typing in your name in an excel sheet program-of-sorts, it returns the profession destined for you by the stars(LOL). He started off by punching in my name. 'Lakshmi' returned an opinion that I was fit for a career as 'Satan'. No kidding, that’s what it said! But by the grace of God (no pun intended), my name is spelt 'Laxmy'(I remembered my Anglo Indian teacher who thought my name sounded cool spelt this way), and this name returned that I would be a ‘Chef’ or a ‘Neurologist’. Well, maybe I’d be cooking dinosaurs!! Anyway, I thought these were pretty decent professions. X typed in his full name and was delighted to find ‘Supermodel’ lighting up the screen. For the next sixty seconds it was like someone took a bicycle pump and super-inflated his ego. So he decided to call everyone and let them know that he’s destined to be a supermodel. He gathered a sizeable crowd including the all-necessary female population. But this time (underestimating the hidden functionalities of the program), typed in just his first name.

He turned red and crimson alternately as the excel sheet returned 'Anywhere where you can kiss ass…'

I love when life comes and bites you in the butt...such entertainment :-) ;-) :-P