You're probably getting sick of me writing about life and philosophies for the past two or so posts. So, here's something to read and think about! Let me also warn you on its length beforehand! If you have continued reading and are here now, sit back, relax and enjoy :-)
Usually, when it comes to following traditions, we follow the same age-old traditions/customs/rituals of our elders without even trying to understand their importance or meaning. The most significant among them being the marriage ceremony which becomes a social event where about 500 to 1000 guests are invited (I am talking about an average middle class wedding here) most of whom the wedding couple would be meeting for the first time!
In every culture, people have their own set of rituals and traditions that are being followed since time immemorial. For example, a typical South Indian Iyer wedding these days lasts about 2-3 days with the wedding expenditure being borne by the brides's family. The rituals consist of a Kaappu Kettu for the bride and Vratham for the groom (prayers offered to the ancestors seeking their blessings usually performed on the the wedding day), Janavasam (the archetypical Indian procession of the groom full of music, dancing and crackers), Nischayathartham (the engagement which is also performed sometimes a day before the wedding day but after the Vratham), Kaashi Yatrai (an age-old ritual where the groom decides to take up monkhood for spiritual pursuit but is ultimately convinced by the bride's father to return and take up a family life where he promises that the bride would eventually assist him in his spiritual pursuit), Maalai Maatral (After being convinced, the groom agrees and exchanges garlands with the bride), Oonjal (and eventually the bride and groom head to a swing where the elderly womenfolk perform rituals to ward off evil spirits), Kanyadaanam (the bride's father offers her hand in marriage to the groom), Thirumangalyam (the bride sits on her father's lap and the groom ties the holy yellow thread. He ties only one knot with the thread where the other two knots are tied by the groom's sister), Nalungu (the wedding games) and the Reception. Phew...I am already tired writing about the rituals!!
The reason I wrote the above is to give a clear picture on those rituals. Many of those belong to that period of time where marriages were performed at a very early age. Rituals like Oonjal and Nalungu were performed to keep the mood light and fun for the newly weds who were mostly kids so that they can start building a good rapport with each other as the marriages used to be arranged by the elders completely. In those days, it is said that mostly the bride and groom used to actually see each other for the first time only on the day of the wedding! Imagine that!!
The other day, I was discussing marriage ceremonies and traditions with my close friend after looking at some pictures of a wedding she had shared, which had taken place in an old temple. It seemed to be a simple wedding with just the close family and friends around. That made us really wonder how differently many weddings are arranged these days and how, many youngsters these days want to jump right to the main ceremony. I am not against following the rituals or our traditions. In this time and age, where a man and a woman do not agree to get married until they get to know each other in and out, some drama associated with the rituals can be avoided. Why not keep it simple and noiseless? :-)
There is also a drastic change in many people's views regarding marriage these days. With the marriage landscape changing on a regular basis, it is not at all surprising how the marriage vows "till death do us part" is changing to "till irreconcilable differences do us part" or "let's get married until you piss me off and then we'll get out of this"!! I also don't understand the concept of mentioning "death" on such a happy occasion either! With the divorce rates drastically increasing in our country, people seem to view marriage as more of a flexible commitment than as a permanent union of two people and their respective families! The vows taken in front of the holy fire or in front of their respective God, family, friends, relatives and all those people whom you don't know but had invited seem as just some excuse for not being alone or some fancy/fashion show! It is more like, when the going gets tough, people pack up and hit the road! It is true that for any relationship to work, love, affection and understanding should be bi-directional. At the same time, getting away from an abusive relationship or a disloyal partner after repeated attempts at working at it is a different thing altogether. Yet, the society fails to accept the fact that such things as a divorce does happen at times and it cannot be avoided at times. Also the fact that there might be very strong reasons behind the failed marriage which cannot be announced on a mic all the time!! I sometimes fail to understand why even though people seem to be well educated, their mindset still belongs to 10,000 BC!!!!
That way, I am really lucky to have a loving and practical family that supoorts me through thick and thin. My mother always used to give practical explanations to all my "why's" right since my childhood. For example, when I used to ask why we are told never to sit on the threshold during sunset, usually elders say its because Lord Narasimha killed the demon Hiranyaksha on the threshold during sunset and its a bad omen. My mother being the practical lady she is used to explain that we should not sit because some poisonous insect might bite us or we might hit our head while getting up from there etc which was true!
May be, its about time we start understanding what we follow and why :-)
Usually, when it comes to following traditions, we follow the same age-old traditions/customs/rituals of our elders without even trying to understand their importance or meaning. The most significant among them being the marriage ceremony which becomes a social event where about 500 to 1000 guests are invited (I am talking about an average middle class wedding here) most of whom the wedding couple would be meeting for the first time!
In every culture, people have their own set of rituals and traditions that are being followed since time immemorial. For example, a typical South Indian Iyer wedding these days lasts about 2-3 days with the wedding expenditure being borne by the brides's family. The rituals consist of a Kaappu Kettu for the bride and Vratham for the groom (prayers offered to the ancestors seeking their blessings usually performed on the the wedding day), Janavasam (the archetypical Indian procession of the groom full of music, dancing and crackers), Nischayathartham (the engagement which is also performed sometimes a day before the wedding day but after the Vratham), Kaashi Yatrai (an age-old ritual where the groom decides to take up monkhood for spiritual pursuit but is ultimately convinced by the bride's father to return and take up a family life where he promises that the bride would eventually assist him in his spiritual pursuit), Maalai Maatral (After being convinced, the groom agrees and exchanges garlands with the bride), Oonjal (and eventually the bride and groom head to a swing where the elderly womenfolk perform rituals to ward off evil spirits), Kanyadaanam (the bride's father offers her hand in marriage to the groom), Thirumangalyam (the bride sits on her father's lap and the groom ties the holy yellow thread. He ties only one knot with the thread where the other two knots are tied by the groom's sister), Nalungu (the wedding games) and the Reception. Phew...I am already tired writing about the rituals!!
The reason I wrote the above is to give a clear picture on those rituals. Many of those belong to that period of time where marriages were performed at a very early age. Rituals like Oonjal and Nalungu were performed to keep the mood light and fun for the newly weds who were mostly kids so that they can start building a good rapport with each other as the marriages used to be arranged by the elders completely. In those days, it is said that mostly the bride and groom used to actually see each other for the first time only on the day of the wedding! Imagine that!!
The other day, I was discussing marriage ceremonies and traditions with my close friend after looking at some pictures of a wedding she had shared, which had taken place in an old temple. It seemed to be a simple wedding with just the close family and friends around. That made us really wonder how differently many weddings are arranged these days and how, many youngsters these days want to jump right to the main ceremony. I am not against following the rituals or our traditions. In this time and age, where a man and a woman do not agree to get married until they get to know each other in and out, some drama associated with the rituals can be avoided. Why not keep it simple and noiseless? :-)
There is also a drastic change in many people's views regarding marriage these days. With the marriage landscape changing on a regular basis, it is not at all surprising how the marriage vows "till death do us part" is changing to "till irreconcilable differences do us part" or "let's get married until you piss me off and then we'll get out of this"!! I also don't understand the concept of mentioning "death" on such a happy occasion either! With the divorce rates drastically increasing in our country, people seem to view marriage as more of a flexible commitment than as a permanent union of two people and their respective families! The vows taken in front of the holy fire or in front of their respective God, family, friends, relatives and all those people whom you don't know but had invited seem as just some excuse for not being alone or some fancy/fashion show! It is more like, when the going gets tough, people pack up and hit the road! It is true that for any relationship to work, love, affection and understanding should be bi-directional. At the same time, getting away from an abusive relationship or a disloyal partner after repeated attempts at working at it is a different thing altogether. Yet, the society fails to accept the fact that such things as a divorce does happen at times and it cannot be avoided at times. Also the fact that there might be very strong reasons behind the failed marriage which cannot be announced on a mic all the time!! I sometimes fail to understand why even though people seem to be well educated, their mindset still belongs to 10,000 BC!!!!
That way, I am really lucky to have a loving and practical family that supoorts me through thick and thin. My mother always used to give practical explanations to all my "why's" right since my childhood. For example, when I used to ask why we are told never to sit on the threshold during sunset, usually elders say its because Lord Narasimha killed the demon Hiranyaksha on the threshold during sunset and its a bad omen. My mother being the practical lady she is used to explain that we should not sit because some poisonous insect might bite us or we might hit our head while getting up from there etc which was true!
May be, its about time we start understanding what we follow and why :-)
2 comments:
I completely agree..Its all about changing our mindset.. :-)
Thanks Anjali. The elephant-mahout mindset story you shared is very apt! It really is all about changing our mindset. As the article says, its our "choice" whether or not to accept the false boundaries and limitations created by our past - in this context, the age-old rituals which we all seem to follow blindly :-)
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