Brother Forever

What is a love-hate relationship?

Its something that you experience with your sibling. In my case, it happens to be with my most annoying but lovable brother :-) One moment he is such a pain and another, I want to give him the biggest hug. No matter what, he has and always is there for me and I cant help but love him dearly.

Why is he such a pain and yet I love him so dearly?

He is always watching out for me. As a kid, once I had gone somewhere on my bicycle and once back home he asked me why I had gone to that place at that time! He really cares!

He always gives me brutally honest feedback (i like it or not).

He grosses me out sometimes with all those in my face burps :-) Nevertheless, thanks to him Im not squeamish!

His full time job is having my back and defending me in all situations, especially against mom :-)

If Im extra nice and practically beg him along with giving food and doing all his chores, he is ready to help me with whatever and whenever.

I can bother or hit him any number of times until he decides to get back...and that is  just 10 times worse :-)

The amount of the inside jokes between us is endless ;-)

We can never stay mad at each other for too long even with all those endless countless meaningless arguments.

I smile because he is my brother. I laugh because there is nothing he can do about it ;-)

Love you loads Anna <3<3

Lets-write-something-stupid day.

Im back after what seems like ages! I know, being busy with life in general and work is not an excuse but a very convenient reason for the laziness that lies beneath! Thanks to everyone who asked me why Im not writing anymore...that was like a kick up my backside and I totally needed that :-)

I cannot dance. 

I cannot sing. 

I lead probably a quiet existence. 

A brilliant blue or an orange hue may not announce my presence. 

Neither drums roll nor curtains fall when I leave. 

I may be a shadow and just come and go as i please.

Well, I knew, today was lets-write-something-stupid-day. 

Why do these words even come into my head when l don't get them myself is beyond my understanding! But I had to get them out or they would just go round and round causing a traffic jam in my brain :-)

My favorite keys

My favourite keys on my laptop are - Delete and Backspace :-)

All kinds of problems go away when I press Delete :-) I use it all the time. Junk e-mail? Delete. Misspellings? Backspace. Unwieldy sentences and confusing paragraphs? Delete...Delete...Backspace. I sometimes wish my life had a Delete key. One click on the keypad and I wipe out an event or some people. Maybe another click and I could start that part of the life all over again :-) And being one who blunders in a grand fashion, I have empathy for others who wish they could go back and start over. Some hurts just can't be undone. Its like putting toothpaste back into the tube :-)

So my best self says to me - "leave it. leave it where it belongs - in the past". Yeah, as they say, its a new day full of promises and new beginnings. And that is something I might forget if life had a delete/backspace key :-)

Love Me - Love Me Not :-)

I read somewhere today that we can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves that we can love!! Its also said that generally there is a lot of pressure in one's culture (in most) which forces people to judge you very easily and fast. These people make us feel as if there is something wrong with us if we’re still single by a certain age or don’t make a certain amount of income or don’t have a commendable social circle or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. This list can go on forever!!

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by such mindless banter happening around me...about me and end up comparing myself to other people. It just tends to get stuck in my head somehow and on many occasions, completely tears apart my self esteem.

Yesterday, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read an email from one of my anonymous blog readers (I'm surprised people do read my posts) telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally!! And if am to go by the intended meaning of that word, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life!!

I get emails like these once in a while from some anonymous person from somewhere around the world, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.

Probably, a little self love doesn't harm us :-)

My wandering mind

My mind works in a funny way! 

It can never accept what comes easy - it always looks for a journey and keeps its gears greasy. It wanders from place to place like a vagabond and never stays for too long on a thought. Its never satisfied with a simple answer :-) It looks for a story with twists and turns as a simple answer is hard to take. It always hopes for more and refuses to learn. Its sometimes like a flowing river - making its path the way it wants while ignoring all cautions. It cuts across creating a lake - but never stays and goes forward.

My mind only hopes for a fresh start every time it moves on - shattering all the logic and memories - and hopes for a new dawn. It never stops to take lessons from what it has lost or gained.

My mind truly works in a funny way :-)

It feels like home

It just sneaks into my life unnoticed.

It feels like an old t-shirt that I keep wearing and suddenly panic when it goes missing or I cannot find it.

It feels like that blanket that I keep snuggling into, the one that has frayed edges, an odd stain but a fragrance of familiarity.

It has hope written all over it. It doesn't look fancy and fabulous yet it is fancy and fabulous.

It feels like the smell of an old book or a melody that is dripping with nostalgia.

It feels like the wind in my hair and the smile on my lips.

Old photographs - definitely feel like home!

Inadequate

No matter what I do, however hard I try....some people, with just their words, make me feel inadequate and good for nothing!!