Hilarious Status messages :-)

Owing to absolute and complete boredom, I decided to share the following here. These are some of the funny status messages I found people using on their IM and social networking sites.

• A bad thing about a good thing is that it always comes to an end.
• If a cop stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?
• Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible.
• Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
• One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions
• Taking a picture of a flower does not make you a photographer......
• A guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school's pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water..... Is that wrong?
• Dismayed! I don't even know how to spell anymore. I type the 1st half of the word and wait for auto correct to do the rest.
• Moving sucks! Why didn't anyone invented copy and paste for real life?
• Dear Mathematics, please grow up and solve your own problems.
• If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito
• The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
• Insert coin to view my status message.
• Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.
• My computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert!!
• I tried comforting my buddy who was waiting for the results of his HIV test. I guess "think positive" wasn't what he wanted to hear!
• Happiness is a failure to understand how bad things really are.
• I’m on "Starts Tomorrow" diet.