Accent crisis or identity crisis?

When I was in Germany, there was something I observed very strongly there. It amazed me how, many people tried so hard to be someone they were not! Many students and professionals going there or to the USA or for that matter, to any country abroad, from India, have sometimes this absolutely annoying tendency of trying to imitate the accent while speaking!

Yes, I am aware of the other side i.e the work commitments or business requirements that force many of us to do so! Nevertheless, has anyone seen or heard people from other nationalities do the same thing? They stick to their accents whereas we somehow feel ashamed of our own! Why should we try to imitate the so called all cool slang? Though we have studied in English medium schools and know very well that there is no correct pronunciation, why do we feel ashamed of a touch of either Tamil or Hindi or Kannada or Telugu accent to our English? I do remember that I had written about "The way of the Mallu" in one of my earlier posts. However, if I had even a  touch of Malayalam in my accent, I would only be proud of it :-)

I always feel that it is absolutely okay to be different and be respected for that difference. If we are confident and proud of it, people will automatically respect us and try to understand us. We don't necessarily have to say "caayn't" for can't or "laderrrr" for later, do we? Sometimes I genuinely feel that by trying to copy their exclamations and jargons, we just end up looking nothing but stupid!

I feel that this is no different than going through an identity crisis more than the language or the accent. The only difference being that we never realize we are fighting with ourselves here! We never speak with the same accent when we are with our own folks back home, then why do it when we are elsewhere? Yes, we might be mocked at for being ourselves. But, trust me, we are better off being mocked at by people we don't know than by people we do know...

Ever wonder why?

I've always wondered why people say "Bless You" when you sneeze! There are probably hundreds of reasons but the common ones I've heard are -

• When you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond! I guess saying "bless you" is a way of reviving it!
• In ancient times, people believed that when you sneezed, your soul flew out of your body and saying "bless you" made it go right back in!

Really weird huh? Well, speaking of sneezing, did you know that if you sneeze too hard, you might fracture a rib? And if you try to suppress it, you might even rupture a blood vessel in your head/neck and die?

Wow...talk about scary huh...

Some other interesting but potentially useless facts that I've heard of are -

• On an average, more people fear spiders/cockroach/lizards than death!
• The ant always falls over on its right side when it is intoxicated! I have no idea who had the patience to actually observe this one!!!!
• Coca-Cola was originally green!
• The cigarette lighter was invented before the match!
• The heart pumps blood in the body with enough pressure to send it squirting 30 feet!

I have absolutely no idea how many of these facts are really true and I don't really have the patience to find out. I just thought that it made interesting reading!

Questionable Thoughts!

Well, the other day, I saw two really close buddies having a big argument. It seemed to me about something really  important. Though they seem to have apologized later and back on track, I have been thinking a lot about it and there seem to be too many questions bugging me!

I just wanted an outlet for those crazy questions. So, brace yourselves!

• When two people in a close relationship fight or have an argument because one of them said something hurtful, then do they ever get past it? 
• Does the other person stop hurting even if the person who made the mistake apologizes? 
• Does the person who apologized ever feel less guilty about whatever they did? 
• Does apologizing really help? Is there even a thing as to "forgive and forget"? 
• Is saying sorry really the hardest thing to do? Or is it just a quick and easy way of ending a long drawn-out argument? 
• Is it ever too late to apologize if you really really mean it? 
• Does making a mistake condemn you for life? Does every fight come with a price?
• Why do misunderstandings always creep between those people who supposedly know each other in and out? When friends, siblings, spouses know each other for so long, then shouldn't the arguments become less? Is that the price you pay for that close relationship? 
• Is it ever possible to be close to someone and never argue? Is there even such a thing as a fight/argument-free relationship? Or, as some say it, does fighting mean you are more affectionate?
• Why do relationships get more complex the older you grow? Why do things that never bothered you when you were young, get to you when you're older? As a child, you never read between the lines, you never assumed, you were never crazy or paranoid. Why does growing up come with all those extra attachments/baggage? 
• Does there ever come a point in time when you don't feel confused and lost anymore? How long does it take to attain emotional maturity?
• Why do I have so many questions? Is there such a thing as "too many questions"? Do any of these questions have answers? Do we just keep asking, in the hopes of finding an answer some day, or do we just accept the fact that they have no answers and stop wondering altogether?

Does any of this make any sense!!?

Is this the right choice baby?

A while ago, I took this mock English language proficiency test online just to check where I stood when it came to English. I had to answer 75 multiple choice questions in 60 mins! I wasn't particularly worried about the time limit. I mean, I've been studying English right from my school days and it's always been one of my favorites. So, an English test should not be a big deal...right?

Right...well, almost! The paper was mostly okay but there were some tricky ones here and there. Questions, that made me stop and think for a while...the kind of stuff that makes you doubt your abilities...like the words principal/principle, discrete/discreet, advice/advise, collage/college etc. These words are a piece of cake actually. But, sometimes, these are the sort of simple yet complicated words that suddenly fall into the "I'm not so sure" list, even though, deep down, you probably know the right answer!

There was this one question, even though I knew the answer right away, had me stumped for a while as I got suddenly transported to the not so sure domain!! For the grammar aficionados out there (wow, till this moment I thought aficionados had two 'f''s ...thank you spell check, its only one 'f'!), this was the question -

"Either you or I [is/are/am] to blame"  (Choose the right option)

So, there I was, trying to figure out the correct option with a completely confused head. I knew the answer right away but somehow suddenly I was not so sure! I said the line in my head again and again with different options every time, until the sentence with a particular word started sounding alien with one particular option. But as it is, I got more confused. So, I decided to answer the remaining questions and then come back to this one in the end, hoping that by some miracle, I would arrive at the answer when I look at it with a fresh mind. But no such luck! I must have looked like an idiot to my family members as I screwed up my face in all possible ways hoping to get the answer by the right intonation in my head which ultimately showed on my face!! 

I was getting frustrated. I had finished the remaining paper and only this question was troubling me. I have almost always worked grammar this way. If it doesn't sound right when I say it, it probably isn't! What was the right choice? What do you do when your first instinct tells you one answer which you know is right but something else insists that none of the options is the right answer?? Ultimately I answered the question with my first gut instinct.

This got me thinking. What happens when such a confusing question pops in our life and there are only a few valid choices that you can make? Your first instinct tells you that the answer lies in one of the options right in front of you but somehow you feel that none of them is the ideal solution. You imagine your life with the solution fit into it and somehow it doesn't feel good or right. What do you do? How do you choose? What helps you make the right decision? Is it the beauty of life? That there are no right or wrong decisions - just decisions and what 'you' make of them?

Well, I do hope so! :-)

Changing views and set minds!

You're probably getting sick of me writing about life and philosophies for the past two or so posts. So, here's something to read and think about! Let me also warn you on its length beforehand! If you have continued reading and are here now, sit back, relax and enjoy :-)

Usually, when it comes to following traditions, we follow the same age-old traditions/customs/rituals of our elders without even trying to understand their importance or meaning. The most significant among them being the marriage ceremony which becomes a social event where about 500 to 1000 guests are invited (I am talking about an average middle class wedding here) most of whom the wedding couple would be meeting for the first time!

In every culture, people have their own set of rituals and traditions that are being followed since time immemorial. For example, a typical South Indian Iyer wedding these days lasts about 2-3 days with the wedding expenditure being borne by the brides's family. The rituals consist of a Kaappu Kettu for the bride and Vratham for the groom (prayers offered to the ancestors seeking their blessings usually performed on the the wedding day), Janavasam (the archetypical Indian procession of the groom full of music, dancing and crackers), Nischayathartham (the engagement which is also performed sometimes a day before the wedding day but after the Vratham), Kaashi Yatrai (an age-old ritual where the groom decides to take up monkhood for spiritual pursuit but is ultimately convinced by the bride's father to return and take up a family life where he promises that the bride would eventually assist him in his spiritual pursuit), Maalai Maatral (After being convinced, the groom agrees and exchanges garlands with the bride), Oonjal (and eventually the bride and groom head to a swing where the elderly womenfolk perform rituals to ward off evil spirits), Kanyadaanam (the bride's father offers her hand in marriage to the groom), Thirumangalyam (the bride sits on her father's lap and the groom ties the holy yellow thread. He ties only one knot with the thread where the other two knots are tied by the groom's sister), Nalungu (the wedding games) and the Reception. Phew...I am already tired writing about the rituals!!

The reason I wrote the above is to give a clear picture on those rituals. Many of those belong to that period of time where marriages were performed at a very early age. Rituals like Oonjal and Nalungu were performed to keep the mood light and fun for the newly weds who were mostly kids so that they can start building a good rapport with each other as the marriages used to be arranged by the elders completely. In those days, it is said that mostly the bride and groom used to actually see each other for the first time only on the day of the wedding! Imagine that!!

The other day, I was discussing marriage ceremonies and traditions with my close friend after looking at some pictures of a wedding she had shared, which had taken place in an old temple. It seemed to be a simple wedding with just the close family and friends around. That made us really wonder how differently many weddings are arranged these days and how, many youngsters these days want to jump right to the main ceremony. I am not against following the rituals or our traditions. In this time and age, where a man and a woman do not agree to get married until they get to know each other in and out, some drama associated with the rituals can be avoided. Why not keep it simple and noiseless? :-)

There is also a drastic change in many people's views regarding marriage these days. With the marriage landscape changing on a regular basis, it is not at all surprising how the marriage vows "till death do us part" is changing to "till irreconcilable differences do us part" or "let's get married until you piss me off and then we'll get out of this"!! I also don't understand the concept of mentioning "death" on such a happy occasion either! With the divorce rates drastically increasing in our country, people seem to view marriage as more of a flexible commitment than as a permanent union of two people and their respective families! The vows taken in front of the holy fire or in front of their respective God, family, friends, relatives and all those people whom you don't know but had invited seem as just some excuse for not being alone or some fancy/fashion show! It is more like, when the going gets tough, people pack up and hit the road! It is true that for any relationship to work, love, affection and understanding should be bi-directional. At the same time, getting away from an abusive relationship or a disloyal partner after repeated attempts at working at it is a different thing altogether. Yet, the society fails to accept the fact that such things as a divorce does happen at times and it cannot be avoided at times. Also the fact that there might be very strong reasons behind the failed marriage which cannot be announced on a mic all the time!! I sometimes fail to understand why even though people seem to be well educated, their mindset still belongs to 10,000 BC!!!!

That way, I am really lucky to have a loving and practical family that supoorts me through thick and thin. My mother always used to give practical explanations to all my "why's" right since my childhood. For example, when I used to ask why we are told never to sit on the threshold during sunset, usually elders say its because Lord Narasimha killed the demon Hiranyaksha on the threshold during sunset and its a bad omen. My mother being the practical lady she is used to explain that we should not sit because some poisonous insect might bite us or we might hit our head while getting up from there etc which was true!

May be, its about time we start understanding what we follow and why :-)

Find a way around the bumps and bruises

For the sake of those who actually take time off and read my blog (Again I'm assuming I still have readers!) and who care about how I'm doing - Well, folks, I was not well for a while and still at my hometown and relaxing :-)

Today I was reading this article in an online magazine which was about five women who had overcome deadly situations in their life, fought back bravely and still got along with their lives. It said that these women had undergone a double lung transplant, an open heart surgery and yet gave birth to healthy twins, a cancer survivor, a survivor of a deadly bacterial infection and one of them who was a teenager had survived 15 knife wounds which most people wouldn't survive!

This article got me thinking about how people get along with their life. How bravely these women had faced those trying times in their life. Obviously, life is a giant roller coaster ride and definitely not smooth. Some people, when they hit a bump on the road of life, give up and turn around while others find ways to go over or around it. We should all get inspired by those women and never give up on anything.

Life is full of bumps and bruises. Its what we learn from it and what we do with it that makes us what we are :-)

A beautiful night

A silent and a beautiful night had set upon the beautiful house and the surroundings. My escapade to this beautiful place, which is a part of my growing up years, had just turned divine. For as far as I could see from the compound, there was not another soul lingering outside. The sound of the night was clear and crisp to the ears. There was an owl, a few crickets and also a couple of bats somewhere in the trees nearby but they also chose to silently admire the beautiful night for some time. There were some vehicles passing from time to time, but up there, where I sat in my cozy chair sipping a hot cup of coffee, I chose to ignore those sounds and just enjoyed the warmth of the lovely night.

I looked at the moon which was beautiful, at the same time painfully reminding me how drastically my life has changed over the last decade.

I realized, how easily we forget the fact that our pain, problems, illnesses and troubles affect as much those who love us so dearly. The more our family loves us, the more they are hurt seeing us getting hurt!! To some, this might seem silly. But, trust me, its not! We, very seldom stop to even think for a minute how they might have felt or what they might have gone through when we were in a bad shape yet how well they understood and said nothing. That is a BIG thing...ofcourse assuming that we love them back as dearly.

I realized that though the beauty of nature doesn't cure pain, it definitely makes it easier to endure it. I then decided that it was time to really move on. Thinking of someone, I smiled to myself, closed my eyes and sipped away my hot cup of coffee.

What time is it??

Teaching is a tough job you know. I have taught some kids when I was in college and I know first hand. It really is tough! At the end of every academic year, your students are like live, walking-talking report cards. If you happen to do a good job, great! If you don't, then imagine having a report card that jumps around telling every person how pathetically you have scored in the teaching department!

Sometime ago, during a conversation with my friend, she asked me to teach her kids, eight and nine year old, "how to read time on the clock".

So, I told them...

Small hand shows the hour, big hand shows the minute. They nodded. I repeated...

Small hand shows the hour, big hand shows the minute. They nodded. I repeated...

Small hand shows the hour, big hand shows the minute. They nodded. I repeated...

Finally, when I was sure that I had the concept drilled into the very core of their brains, I gave them different times and asked them to mark it on the clock diagram. And guess what, they got it right!!!! :-)

I patted my back and ofcourse theirs too :)

Now, the kids came across a clock which showed this -

Kid - Its 7:50!!!!

Me - No sweetie, you have marked it wrong. Your marking says 6:50!

Kid - ** gave me a confused look!

Me - ** returned the confused look!

Kid - Small hand shows the hour and big hand shows the minute. YOU SAID SO!!!!!!!!!!

So, by THAT logic, 7:50 means small hand on 7 and big hand on 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I know, I suck at teaching :-(

Believe and soar higher

I just discovered the fact that eagles know that a storm is approaching long before it breaks! Did you?

What the eagle does is to fly to some high spot and wait for the storm. And eventually, when the storm hits, it spreads its wings so that the storm picks it up and lifts it above the winds. So, while the storm rages below, the eagle flies above it! In effect, this means that the eagle doesn't escape the storm but merely uses the wind power of the storm to lift itself higher.

Similarly, when the storm of life hits upon us, we can rise above the difficulties by believing in ourselves and in that supreme power. We may not escape completely but can sure overcome the difficulties by our strong belief. 

It is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them :-)

Journey so far this year...

Loads of crap happens everyday in our lives - some professional and some of it personal. Life changes, people change and so does relationships. Either the year so far is bad in itself or maybe the bubble of everything superficial that I had been living in, just happened to burst. It has not bothered me so much as to lose my sleep over it. However, like every trouble that passes, I have faced it head on and also learnt my lessons!!

1. Saving is very important, Your financial situation might not always be hunky dory.
2. When in the office, work. Keep your heart, feelings and emotions at home. Office is not a place to make best friends. But its a great place to build contacts and acquaintances. Ofcourse, this depends on the kind of work environment you have or the kind of people you work with. But if you really want to make friends, then choose another department to do so!
3. Some people backstab. Live with it!
4. There will always be people whom you will look at and wonder, "How the eff did they reach where they are?" You might feel they are good for nothing, but the fact is that they are where they are and they must have done "something" right to get there. Go figure out.
5. Relationships do fail. It happens and most times you cannot do anything about it except to let go and move on!
6. No matter how much we try to tailor our lives, biology always wins. They say that human beings are born to get married, set a family, have kids and bring them up. Try going the other way and people will somehow or the other convince you into it!
7. Small amounts of success brings loads of empty ego and false pride. Always have someone at hand who can give you two tight slaps and bring you back where you ought to be.
8. Indulging in something you really love, occasionally, is necessary to keep you sane and normal.
9. People already have too many problems of their own. Do not ever expect anyone to understand yours. If you need help, then ask for it.
10. Everyone has their reasons for everything. You will also have yours one day.
11. Do not wait for happiness to come by. It always arrives when you least expect it to.

What's in a name? A Lot :)

A few weeks ago, while exiting the cinema hall after watching a movie, I caught a glimpse of a family waiting intently and going through the credits that roll at the end of the movie. I usually watch the credits roll by only if the movie bloopers are shown (Every Jackie Chan movie has one where they show clips of how the movie was made or how the stunts were shot). It is indeed a very rare sight to actually see someone care about the unsung heroes who made the movie what it was when everyone else is making a beeline to the exit door. Probably one of their family members was part of it?? May be...

The long list of names that appear, when all everyone else is bothered about is how to get to the exit door quickly and then to the parking lot, might mean the world to someone. Just imagine the lead actor's spot boy/makeup artist bringing their spouse and kids to watch the movie and then wait till the very end until their name rolls in one corner of the list on the screen. The pride on their spouse's face or the joy on their kids's face would mean so much. That split second of fame might actually make up for the high price tags those actors come with and the unreasonable tantrums they throw. The actors might have enchanted the audience with their performance but for that moment, that man/lady is the real hero atleast for their family.

This incident taught me a valuable lesson in life - It is very important to give credit and to acknowledge people for what they have done. It doesn't really matter how insignificant their effort/contribution might appear in the bigger picture of things.

Exceptions are welcome

Last week while coming back from my native place in a train, I saw a young lady of about 35 years get into the "reserved compartment" with three kids. Even when she was getting into the compartment, it was quite evident that she was confused. By the look on her face, I thought perhaps she was not a regular traveler. Ten minutes later, a ticket checker asked her for the ticket. And as expected, she had the "unreserved" ticket. Her reason was that the unreserved compartment was too crowded and she could not get in there with three kids by her side.

It might be difficult to explain but her reason was genuine. The ticket checker who had fined another man in the same compartment for ticket-less travel, let the lady go. The fellow passengers who overheard the conversation between the woman and the ticket checker also supported him and said that he did the right thing. Thankfully, the ticket checker was a kind-hearted man unlike some of the heartless automatons we encounter sometimes.

So, this incident made me think - perhaps everything that's meant to be rigid comes with its share of exceptions. Rules are important, but it's even more important to stick to the spirit of the rule!

Contact-less and how!

Yeah it happens to everyone and it has happened to me too a couple of times. Your trustworthy mobile phone sometimes cannot handle the work pressure and decides to go into hibernation and comes back to life but with no memory whatsoever of its earlier life or just decides to take off to another world (read dead or stolen). A friend of mine buzzed me today to ask my phone number as he had lost his mobile. That's when I started thinking of a life without the contacts, since contacts are supposed to be a person's backbone (really?).

But its not at all that bad you know. Like some long lost philosopher who said something about dark clouds and silver linings, I feel that this one also comes with its own share of benefits. Some of the positive points of losing your phone book numbers -

• In this age of Facebook, Gmail Chat and Skype, getting back the numbers is not that difficult. One common mail or a status message is enough to get them back. And if you think you are a person who has "important" contacts saved on their phone, well, everyone has them. Just ask the person sitting right next to you at work!
• You come to know the actual number of people who exist in your part of the stratosphere. The phone that is otherwise filled with so many random numbers and names that you might not even remember now but just ended up saving thinking they will be useful in the future, now only has the contacts of the people who matter to you most. And yeah you would be surprised that you can actually count them and really tell how big your world actually is.
• Most importantly, it serves as an excuse to think of those people who you would really want to stay in touch with, but perhaps did not take the initiative to do so or may be just played lazy. You get to touch base with them once again and hopefully this time, you would value the second chance you had got and ensure that the person is more than just a number in your contact list.
• When you start saving the numbers yet again, you take time and observe. Sometimes it so happens that the name that goes with the number may not be the same as what it was earlier. For example, a friend whose name you'd earlier saved as "Laxmy.XYZ" since college days, would now be saved as say "Lax" ;-) Earlier in my college days, I never bothered to save the person's last name. But not anymore, considering how I always come across people who have very common names that most probably already exist in your contact list. All colleagues and ex-colleagues are saved as the person's name followed by the organization name. So, do these changes say something about me? Well, I have changed. Go figure how :-P
• And last but never the least, if someone complains later how you never stay in touch, you can always say, "Arey yaar, my phone crashed/ I lost my mobile! What to do? You didn't call either!" ;-)

They said "it's up to you"

When I was growing up and was going away to live in a hostel all by my own, both my dad and mom told me a few things which I haven't forgotten even now. Those words really keep me sane always. Dad was in my thoughts throughout the day and I really miss him. Just decided to share the golden words -

We gave you life, but we cannot live it for you.
We can only teach you things but we cannot make you learn.
We can only take you to temples, but we cannot make you believe.
We can only teach and assist you to differentiate between right and wrong, but we cannot decide for you.
We can only teach you respect, kindness and honor, but we cannot force you to show it.
We can only advice and warn you about bad friendship, drugs and alcohol, but we cannot prevent the possibility.
We can only teach you about desire to excel, goals and dreams, but we cannot achieve them for you.
We can only warn you about committing grave mistakes and sin, but we cannot make your morals.
We can only tell you how to live, love you loads as our dearest daughter and pray for you and your future, but IT'S UP TO YOU

Love you loads mom and dad for making me the person I am today.

Happy Teachers Day

Its Teacher's Day today and I take a moment here to express my heartfelt thanks and love to all my teachers right from my kindergarten days to my engineering who have been so wonderful to me all the time and who have a big role to play in whatever I am today.

Happy Teacher's Day :-)