Finally a little relaxed!

Finally feeling relaxed after a long time and really really happy about the results of my exam :) 

Yippeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Deadline!

May be I'm a little stressed right now. I've got my exam coming up in a few days and I don't think I'm anywhere close to being prepared!!!!!

Pressure's on.....Fingers crossed!

Weight and Watch

Picture Courtesy - a friend on facebook :-)

You tend to come up with several such excuses when you just don't want to exercise. It is the most difficult fight you would have had with your mind. Endless arguments as to why you should indeed put so much effort for losing or gaining those extra pounds even though your brain knows that it can only keep you fit and healthy. I am someone who wrestles such issues on a regular basis!


I have come across several people who have donated so much money to different gyms across the country and even outside. It seems the gym owners bank on people like that to run their business. Such people give the machines a run only once in a while and are among the majority. The minority being the ones who are hell bent on artistically shaping their body on the lines of some movie stars. Or the ones who are frantically trying to put down weight as their marriage would be around the corner :-)


I would blame the movie industry completely for making people believe that your body should look like a crafted piece with all the muscles bulging out (for guys), well toned or a size zero (for girls)! But you know what? Those guys are paid to do so!! Now, nobody would pay me even if I were to have a size zero figure next year!! I am paid to sit in office and work my a$$ off, which I do honestly! Once this fact is established, it is a herculean task to make those daily trips to the gym or to the nearby park to exercise. The treadmill and other machines become  the villains in your life. And the twist here is that this villain always wins. You might be able to push this villain down once in a blue moon with the help of Bryan Adams or Linkin Park or A R Rahman songs or when you need some extra encouragement, few dink-chak songs. But usually you fall short.

The most interesting part in gyms is the comparison mode people get into. The usual ones among the female population being "Am I as fat as that girl"?. "I hope I don't end up looking like that aunty/uncle out there"! Some guys I have seen are very much worried about the shape of the curl in their biceps or some girls worried about the shape of their fingers or that perfect curve of their hips! That's when I feel like saying 'get a life people', you are supposed to look healthy and not anorexic! The human body is such an amazing work of craftsmanship. But, the sad truth is that the amount of fat you lose in 2-3 months can be regained in just 2-3 days. Especially for people like me who can put on weight at just the smell of ghee or butter!! Now, the grass is always green on the other side theory also works here. You look at the number of lean people who are trying to gain weight at the gym and start wondering, is it so hard??!! I was looking at a lean girl in our apartment the other day who was complaining that she was not able to gain weight and started wondering, “What did your family put you on - a butter and chocolate diet?!”.

But you know what, you are pulled back to reality whenever you look at yourself  in a mirror. Your focus comes back to that layer that is hanging out of your tummy or your hips. If it was only running the miles, then you might just have done it. But what about the eating healthy part that's important along with the running/walking!! Again we are fighting here.

Well, everything said and done, realization strikes you hard when you are in the trial room of some store. You try hard to convince yourself that you still can fit into the same waist sized jeans or a top you did a couple of years ago. But alas!! And when a long lost friend comes across and tells you “Hey, long time buddy, I couldn't recognize you. You have put on so much weight!”, all hell breaks loose. The number on the weighing machine starts weighing on your mind regularly. You are left with no choice but to start exercising or find a gym nearby and donate some money again.

It is an infinite loop :-(

Sometimes ignorance is bliss!

Everyone keeps secrets. Some have secrets about a crush, about the way they are feeling about someone or something, about some event that happened in their life or even about as trivial as something that they ate on a particular day (which they shouldn't have had). I feel that, regardless of what it is, it is kept a secret because of one main reason - fear of judgement!

We all must have judged someone at one point or the other in our life without even realizing it and must have felt others judging us too. But the funny thing here is that we don't get to decide what other people think or feel about us. They get to decide it all on their own.

I sometimes wonder - if someone judges me and thinks bad about me, then whose problem is it? Should I be upset over something that someone else feels? Would I really want to know all the bad remarks that someone makes about me and be upset over it unnecessarily?

Sometimes I feel that keeping secrets is not that bad either. You never know...it might save a heartache, might help keep friendship tighter, might save a person some emotional attack or even might save us from a judgement that we need not know existed.

However, most times, I think ignorance is bliss :-)

Disconnected!

Today, I was wondering how the minds of each person is wired differently. Which is probably why everyone thinks and acts in their own way. There are some whose moods are affected by the little things that happen in and around their life and they hold onto it, say, may be for a week or two depending on the intensity of the incident of course. I wonder how long can this annoyance last? Because that is something that affects the behavior of a person towards the others.

The only word that came to my mind looking at this person today was : ICE COLD!!

This scares me sometimes because I fear that the disconnection of this person might just affect me like an auto switch! This sort of sudden disconnection is prone to affect any kind of relationship. As I said people are wired differently and as such are completely different individuals. Add to it this disconnection and people start blaming the laziness and time factors for affecting the relationship later. What we choose to do about it counts isn't it? How can just one person working on it be enough? 

I sometimes wonder, whether mood changes have any effect? May be they do because one second the person is as normal as he/she can ever be and the next moment like this ice filled bath tub!! One moment he/she is such a lovely person to talk to and the next like a total stranger!

I'm sure this post sounds ridiculous and so do I....

'Hope' fully yours :-)

What is the most important lesson we learn in life? That whatever happens, happens for the best and with a purpose. Usually this first lesson in optimism is not always the first to come to our minds when the going gets tough. We always tend to lose hope in times of great distress. Even on a bright sunny day, we worry and fear that it won't last long enough.

Yeah, the times may be bad sometimes and it might look as if a great disaster is about to strike us. Having gone through a very painful and stressed period in my life before, I've come to believe and realize that optimism and hope are like soul sisters. They help us face the fiercest of the storm with a smile on our faces. Its like, if we never even think that things might get better, it never will! If the battle is lost in our minds, then its truly lost!

I have read so many heart touching and truly inspiring stories that raised goose bumps on my skin. In each and every story, "hope" was the word which made the person "hang in there". It is something that distinguishes the people who are able to gather ample courage to carry on with their lives from the people who give up and fall off the wonderful yet difficult road of life. It is like the light at the end of the tunnel. To be able to see the light, we must first be willing to "look" for it.

Its so uncanny, how we know what's right for us but often fail to put it to practice. I've very often felt guilty of faltering myself in this aspect. I just hope that these words would find their way to persons in need of it right now and light some hope in their lives.

My experiences have taught me that no matter how good or bad things are for us right now, we should never ever lose hope and enthusiasm for life because - Life is whatever we make of it :-)

Dreams vs Reality

Dream - Wake up at 5 in the morning, enjoy watching the sunrise along with a steaming cup of coffee and then go for a walk.
Reality - Wake up at 8 or 9, eat a namesake breakfast and rush to work/class.

Dream - Over the weekend, spend some quality time with family, go to the nearby park early in the evening, laze around for sometime and try writing down my thoughts.
Reality - Attend classes on weekend and come back home late after practice. Even the thought of going to the park at that time brings all kinds of funny expressions on my face...

Dream - Sit and revise what has been taught in the class and prepare for the exam.
Reality - Still trying hard to start studying...

Dream- Read more about the amazing things around us...
Reality - Most of the time on IM, Youtube and Facebook...

Dream - Find really something interesting to blog about
Reality - There is nothing spicy happening in my life right now...so I guess this is how it would be :-)

Morning Sunshine!

Well, in utter contrast to the post title, I've never been an early bird! Even when I was a kid (and I was like a very obedient thing on the planet in most things those days), waking up early was a herculean task and no one could get me to do it regularly. I still remember the times when my mother would yank me out of bed and throw me straight into the bathroom in an effort to get me to complete my half done homework in time for school or to make me study during the exams. Sometimes she would just throw a big mug of water on me while I would still  be on bed. I even remember that one time when my parents tried waking me and my brother up several times to no avail. Since mom was getting late for work and since we were being so stubborn, she just locked us home and left! I didn't go to school that day because I woke up only at 12 in the afternoon! It was only after a lot of pleading and crying (this I did in front of dad. He always had a really soft corner for me even though I did such naughty things at times) that my mother agreed to write me a leave letter that did not say that I missed school because I was lazy. Ah! such wonderful days :-)

And then college life came along. Life was blissful and I never saw a single sunrise in the 4 years of my engineering unless it was an emergency like I was staying up late to study just a day or two before the actual exams, which was another phenomenon altogether :-)

And then college life was over and it was time to get a job. I happily applied to become a computer professional completely unaware of what was in store for me. I knew some companies in the IT industry started early and some didn't really follow a particular time pattern when it came to work hours. But as time wore on, I realized that depending on the work, sometimes "extra early" would have to become a "normal" for me! And now, here I am. Everyday I wake up at unearthly hours either because sleep eludes me or because I have to get ready for my classes which start so early even on weekends. The little girl who went to bed late on a Friday night, now has to sleep at 10.30 or 11.00 pm itself in order to get the extra hours of her beauty sleep to wake up for the class on time :-)

Now, I try waking up early every day just to catch a glimpse of the sunrise, but the sun beats me to it most of the days :-) Someday, I'd like to take a moment to sit and enjoy that spectacle and not worry about anything in the world. 

Sleepless and why!

Its 1.30 AM and I don't really know why I am not able to sleep. And the weirdest thing is that I am thinking of my school and college days and wondering how time just flies and I can't believe its already 2012. Those days just seem like a fantasy.

Well, I don't really consider them the most prolific days of my life. When I look back, I cant even relate the person I am now with the person I was in those days - so silent, so vulnerable, so naive, so stupid and foolish. And yet...what a time it was!

A time when we were such half-baked human beings...easily shaken by some self imagined demons, always wanting to fit in with the crowd, so dependent on others for acceptance, so many self invented constraints, concerns, worries and so much of self doubt.

Inspite of that, they were still such awesome and wonderful times when we as kids, used to share everything with our friends, when there was no discrimination among the friends, no reading between the lines, no presumptions and no emotional baggage. Was it some kind of an illusion in life's grand scheme of things? Some kind of a mirage or some excuse to make all the gullible mistakes of life, a time where we could be the most stupidest person on earth and still get away with it, a time where we dared to dream the most impossible dreams without even the faintest idea of reality, a time of infinite thick headed optimism where we believed that life would be all rosy and heavenly if we had enough money in our wallets and enough movies to watch, a time of happy illusions where even small ups made us ecstatic and the slightest downs made us so miserable, a time when my definition of a career was just some job that mints me more money, a time when money was scarce but happiness from even small accomplishments was huge.

And it was a time that just flew as if those years were some magical numbers that just vanished from my life's timeline!

Will a time like that ever come back?

Happy Birthday Appa

I wanted to call and wish you on your birthday, but your number is no longer in service. I wanted to send you a gift and a greeting card but no one knows the forwarding address. I guess, heaven is just too far away...

Happy Birthday to the sweetest and the most adorable dad. How I wish I could tell you in person how much I miss you and how much I love you.

For those of you who are daddy's little girls and who are lucky to still have them with you, you know how special that relationship is. Take a moment and feel how fortunately blessed you are for having them around. I have always said this and I'm saying this again. Its so easy to take time for granted. But, one day, God chooses to take our loved ones home and its harder than words can express. No one is invincible. So please take time and let your loved ones know that they are special and how much you love them.

Once again,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY APPA
Loads of love and hugs from your little girl.

Is impatience the new way of life?

"Impatience is the new life" - just happened to remember this tag line that was used by this particular broadband services in an advertisement a couple of years ago. We all live in an era where we keep seeing disturbing and destructive changes around us and we ourselves are restless to change things in our favor. We always want things to move fast and expect results too very quickly. We are such an impatient generation.

Just one look around and we get to see the signs of this impatience. We hate to wait for everything. We can't sit and watch a cricket match for six hours and hence the faster format T20's are our favorite. We are so impatient to blog or read a blog, so we tweet or post a status on our facebook walls or timelines. We are so impatient to send mails so we IM. We can't wait for one song to finish until we start listening to another. We absolutely hate slow moving queues so we book online. We have absolutely zero tolerance towards delays in getting information. This characteristic is not just endemic to a certain age of people but to the whole lifestyle of this impatient generation.

We are also a generation which needs change and also needs to be constantly occupied. Either we work hard or play harder! Our lives are so enveloped by this constant static noise that even a little silence startles us. There is an underlying restlessness even though we are occupied with our aims, ambitions, dreams, hopes and desires. We are constantly wanting things and struggle to get them. We are constantly dissatisfied with what we already have and are forever hungry to do/get more.

We are impatient not because of greed but because there is so much to know and so little time, so many things to choose from but so little leisure to enjoy. Every moment we get such enticing ideas and options and we realize there is only one life to live it all. So, we are never ever completely satisfied with where we are or what we want!!

I don't really know if this is a good thing or a bad one. But I really wonder how far we can go on like this until we burn and fizzle out!! Should we stop, look and introspect? Will it do us any good if we try to understand the virtue of patience and force ourselves to go slow? Will a deeper understanding and perception of things lead us to a satisfied and blissful life?

May be it will or maybe not.

Happy New Year - 2012

I don't really believe in making resolutions for new year and hence none this year too :-) I shall try to keep things simple because, after all, its better to surprise life rather than letting life surprise me...what say? ;-)

Happy New Year - 2012 everyone...may this year be filled with loads of happiness, sweet surprises and great success for everyone.

Hugs.

Story of an innocent shop-o-holic ;-)

** A casual conversation with a friend while strolling to the bus stop from the class sometime last week**

Friend: You know, I end up buying a lot of footwear.
Me: Wow...That's so cool!
Friend: But, I already have a lot of shoes and other footwear!
Me: Hmm, how many?
Friend: ##
Me: Wow...17 pairs!
Friend: No! 70...
Me: Ohh 70! you mean in your entire life till date?
Friend: No! Currently...
Me: Ofcourse I could not respond immediately...that was too much data even for a girl.
Friend: But I don't think 70 can be a correct number. There are a few pairs I no longer wear, say about 5 or 6...So, how many do you have?
Me: 4 :-)

Its really crazy these days!

I feel like I don't have time to even sit and breathe! Yet I felt like writing this one. My classes have started and there is so much to study already! The books are giant sized too, scaring me all the time and I have to work really hard since the exam date is just a month and some away. Then there is the usual everyday stuff - meeting people, attending family functions at my hometown which cannot be avoided at any cost, trying to be in touch with all my friends in the midst of all this craziness, dealing with the guilt of not being able to spend enough time with family...phew, all this is zapping most of my energy!! Can someone get a glass of lemonade for me please :-(

Though I feel like a mess - as if I am being pulled in all directions at the same time, I have never felt such positivity before in such tough times...as if something is pushing me to keep going, that inner voice telling me to take it all up as a challenge.

And yet, in the midst of all this craziness, life goes on....

What the eff am I doing?

Sometimes I have these what-the-eff-am-I-doing moments about the way the things are. I suppose we all do at some point in time.

The thing is, I don't know why I should even bother when I have never really known. My wants have always been little and specific. Some highs have been really highs and the lows - well, dealing with the lows and the losses has always been the toughest.

What I feel really smug about are the experiences! I don't really care sometimes where these stack up against my own standards. Sometimes, it just irritates me because these are the only things I really have or something I've really earned (I am not even sure if earned is the right word here!) - each mistake, each false step, each erratic decision or even the times when I did something right.

My mom says that's what I'll have to treasure. All the ups and downs and dramas, the things, I can't still quite believe have happened. I say it all the time and I say it again - time really flies and you never know how!

Three cheers to the roller-coaster ride that never ends....