I don't usually write about too many too serious things in life. There are certain things you cannot be funny about like poverty, patriotism, ethics or the reason behind this write up - faith. I am not talking about questions like 'Does God really exist' or 'What is the meaning of life'. Neither am I searching for God here in this blog space.
Born in a South Indian Iyer family, I have always been taught to pray, to say prayers everyday, to visit temples every now and then, to give offerings to God etc. I guess everyone does these. My mother does pooja everyday and I have grown up watching her doing that. I too visit the temples once in a while. There was a point in my life when I used to visit the 'Panchamukhi Hanuman' temple daily at 7.00 am just before getting into my office bus. But lately, somewhere down the lane, I seem to have lost it (after all the experiences in my life and more so after the sudden death of my Dad). I just can’t seem to get myself to visit the temples regularly or pray wholeheartedly these days.
The only time I come close to praying wholeheartedly is whenever I visit the Ettumanoor Mahadeva temple in my hometown, standing in front of Lord Shiva (The only other time I came close to praying was at the Samadhi of Shirdi Sai Baba in Shirdi recently). I kept looking at the statue and the amazing calmness and aura that was exuberating from the deity. Later, as I sat outside the temple, I saw this old man, who could hardly walk, going around the temple saying his prayers. He had a walking stick in his hand and was moving at a pace at which even snails could beat him. But still he went around not resting even a bit. But as I saw the old man disappear, the question kept popping up in my mind on the amount of faith that he had in the whole ritual. Most of us have rituals of our own to build on our faiths on our respective Gods. After watching that old man that day, I have been forcing myself to pray for a while now.
I look around in temples and see people making huge amount of money as offerings. I sometimes find it difficult to comprehend the fact that good things will occur to me if I get a darshan of one God. I was having these mixed thoughts and trying to restore my old rapport with the God, when someone nearby was talking about this particular temple in Hyderabad which is called the 'Visa temple' (Chilkur Balaji Temple). People who want to go abroad, go there, pray and they get their visas stamped. And there are people who visit certain temples to find their brides/bridegrooms. My aunt called me one of these days and told me she went to this temple about 30 kms away from her home to pray that I get a good life partner! The questions that sometimes pop in my mind are - Would these things appeal to God ? Would He be keeping count of all these things? If I say out some prayer 28 times daily, without even knowing the meaning of it, would I be blessed with all good things in life? And the customs and the rituals which are built on this faith – would I be able to justify them?' I have also asked many friends of mine questions like - ‘What do you pray’, ‘What language do you pray in’,’Is it like a conversation’, just to ascertain that I am normal. I find it selfish and guilty to ask for something to God. And I know I am not the only one who subscribes to this thought.
Many times I have woken up early in the morning for a big day ahead and while getting ready, hear the Suprabhatam/Bhajans etc from the temple nearby. Sometimes it is not the content that strikes me. It is the sweet flow of voice through the air which gives hope for the day ahead, giving positivity to my thoughts. And that is what praying does too, I guess - A positive note to overcome my troubles and a hope of happiness.
Someday, I am sure I will say my prayers by understanding and really meaning them :-)