Washed away by the floods

I stood on the lone big rock watching with alarm the color of water around me changing rapidly from a pale green to a muddy brown. I was trapped there with the water surging all around me and its levels rising at alarming rates! The water rushed with a roar and a wave of debris - leaves, branches, plastic bottles, wood chunks and everything else you could think of tossing around my feet! I just stood there stunned and helpless.

Earlier that day, the sky had been clear. All of a sudden, there was a heavy downpour and all I could see was gray all around.

The volume of water suddenly lifted and tossed me around a hedge. Shocked and tossed, I gasped for breath and tried to keep my head above the water. I was clinging onto it for support. But I was not able to hold onto it much longer. It was getting dark and I could just make out the trees and everything around me as I passed.

I gasped when I saw my Mother, Brother, Sister-in-law and my two little nieces on the shore. They were saying something and pointing something out for me, but I could not hear them over the roar of the water.

The last thing I remember was watching my family on the shore while being washed further and further away from them.

And suddenly, I was going over a huge water fall....

....and waking up on the floor in my bedroom all tangled in the sheets!!

Phew! That was totally insane. 

Well, everyone interprets their dream in different ways. Personally, I'd say, I most definitely have a very vivid imagination :-)

Monday philosophy

10 things women should stop wearing after the age of 30...

1-10) The weight of other's expectations and judgement.

The "I-Me-Myself" syndrome

These days, I see several people who are more egocentric than we ever used to be! I find that they have a somewhat deluded sense of their own fabulousness, they lack basic courtesy, seem to believe that they are more attractive than they actually are, have trouble accepting criticism and extending empathy because they are so preoccupied with themselves. They have very high expectations about themselves and everyone in their life. Of course, there is nothing wrong with having high expectations. But being delusional and having a totally unrealistic blueprint on life are entirely different. And I find that these things often go hand in hand. Someone once said that this is called acute ego-itis syndrome. They increasingly believe that the universe actually revolves around them.

Yes, I am not kidding! There really are several people like this out there and we shouldn't mistake ego for confidence. Those two are way too different.

I sometimes wonder if all this sense of entitlement/self importance is because of the internet, reality TV where fame without talent is just a click away, easy credit or our highly competitive and individualistic society? We seem to be having pretentious rich people who in reality have huge debts, plastic surgery beauties, insincere people who have fame through local TV or youtube videos and a list of fake friends through the social network.

I wish I could take a pin/needle and 'pop' their ego.

Dream >>> Plan >>> Do

Before starting, I would like to wish whoever reads this post (not sure if any of you even bother reading anymore!) a year filled with loads of happiness and inner peace.

I generally do not bother making resolutions on New Year's each year. They don't usually work for me. It generally takes a couple of days into the new year for the resolution fail hashtags to trend. I mean most of us do not get past the one month duration. 

Resolutions are more than just numbers in research. Our resolutions concern our health, wealth, relationships, family and personal development. They are about things that matter to us a lot. Most of our resolutions are like - Lose weight, save more, Enjoy life more, Stay healthy, Learn something new, Quit smoking, Fall in love (?), Spend more time with family etc. 

I am sure many of you have your own stories of how you started off your New Year's with so much of enthusiasm only to end up becoming busy with life in general and fall behind in your commitments to the above said resolutions. It has definitely happened to me and that's precisely why I do not bother anymore. 

What I started doing (yeah, started working on what I wanted a little ahead of time. Who said resolutions had to start on the first day of the year!?) is to dream about it, make a plan on how I wished to go about it (set a short and achievable time target, say, 3 months) and I am definitely going to DO it in that time.

So let us "dream >>> plan >>> do".

Live It!

Most of us are risk takers in life. What I mean by this is that we gamble and bet that someday, we can buy the freedom to do what we really want in life, after we’ve made enough money or pleased enough people. I may be young (hahaha..yeah I am :-P) and for most of my life I didn’t “live it.” I did what everyone wanted me to do. I did what was considered normal and culturally accepted. I feel, most of us do the same thing. We memorize inspirational quotes, give advice (sometimes even when it is not needed or asked for), talk about how everything is possible and sometimes even crib about it. Yet I know for sure that we are only living just a fraction of our capabilities.

“Living it,” might mean different things to different people. For most of us, it means that we find some meaning in life by striving to make a difference, taking chances and being different. However, the truth is that we crave stability, the certainty, the know everything.

In between all this craving and musing, some stuff happens that is life changing! Having been through such a life changing event(s), I know that its very common to feel unsure of oneself and scared most of the time. It is part of life and eventually, we must make the effort to set things right. My father used to tell me that life is not about arriving at the finish line with our well-preserved bodies by avoiding risks and then wondering what could have been. Instead it is all about facing what life throws at you with a smile. We may only live once. But that one time is good enough for us.

Fear

Fear has a way of growing and spreading. It's not good to be a victim of your fear!

Of Kites, Paper Lanterns and Rapunzel

It's amazing how some conversations lead to interesting revelations of times and people we are not too familiar with. Amma (my mom) and I have such conversations around meals or coffee or whenever time permits. Like many conversations among family members, some of them are meant for personal consumption only, some get committed to the memory while others make it here. Some conversations just compel you to write about them.

Even though I detest some of the nonsense that Indian Television regurgitates in the name of content, I inadvertently end up watching some of it, thanks to my Amma and my nieces. On one such occasion, as images of kite flying flashed on the screen, she remarked that kites were invented by the Chinese (Amma loves reading. Not the stories or novels that many of us love, but the more informative kind). A nice conversation ensued over a hot cup of coffee which began with what she had once read in one of the magazines she loves. The story goes like this - A man was so fascinated by the flight of birds that he sought to create something that could mimic them, thus inventing the first kite. It was bulkier and bigger than a full-grown man, so much so that if the winds were favorable, it could probably give flight to the person holding it! The Internet, however, credits the invention of the kite to two Chinese philosophers. Whatever be the truth, flying kites is a favorite past-time of many still. It is still very popular in China which has its own annual kite festival. I would love to witness this elaborate celebration one day. 

Amma told me that several Chinese immigrant families continue this tradition even today and earn a living by making kites, lanterns, paper flowers and decorations. She gave me a refresher course in Chinese kite making and how the elders, irrespective of their geography used to work so hard to give their families a better standard of living. This has renewed my respect for my grandparents and parents who created careers in spite of immense financial and academic handicaps and admirably handled domestic duties as well. Amma often tells me how hard they've worked in their lives shorn of luxuries, and how we the youngsters have it so much easier. We live in a more convenient world where most of our demands are met and barring some roadblocks, we do have a much better life.

As our conversation came to an end, my mind was afire with so many different thoughts and her robust memory! So, if you have an elder at home, talk to them often. Not only will it make them happy, but also teach you so much to fill you with wonder, stories & miles of smiles.

Here's a conversation I actually had with a little girl on one of my train journeys. I got to know from the mother that her daughter's birthday was on Makar Sankranthi/Pongal day.

Me: So, what did you do on your birthday sweetie? 

Girl: We lit some paper lanterns on my birthday. It was so much fun!

Me: Oh! Did you fly kites as well since it was Sankranthi? (she is from that part of India where kites are flown on the day of the festival)

Girl: No! Its also Rapunzel's birthday...We both celebrated it...

Me: Isn't Rapunzel the princess who's hidden in a tower and has long glowing hair? How do you know about her? Did you read somewhere?

Girl: I saw the movie Tangled. On her birthday, her parents light paper lanterns. So I did too.

Me: Ahh...okay! May be I'll watch the movie.

Girl: Why would you watch the movie? It is only for girls like me!

Me: But I want to watch the movie...

Girl: (as if I'd suddenly been dismissed) okay, bye aunty!

Me (to myself): grrr...I still hate it when kids call me aunty :-(

Less is More < = >

It's a very greedy world out there. So much is thrown at us that it feels like you're getting drenched by a water hose (er! is it a fire hose?!)

So, like the intelligent, evolving creatures, we are probably programming ourselves to consume and digest as many bits and pieces of information as possible. 

Long winded stories are out - Tweets are in! Complexity is no longer cool - Less is More!

Does that bother? Yeah, definitely. 

You can no longer hide behind words or unleash your infinite knowledge on some scapegoat of audience because simplicity demands clarity and who in the hell has clarity these days? Well, at least I don't!

As someone once said - "The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom". And we definitely do not want to be too wise too early, do we? :-)

Brother Forever

What is a love-hate relationship?

Its something that you experience with your sibling. In my case, it happens to be with my most annoying but lovable brother :-) One moment he is such a pain and another, I want to give him the biggest hug. No matter what, he has and always is there for me and I cant help but love him dearly.

Why is he such a pain and yet I love him so dearly?

He is always watching out for me. As a kid, once I had gone somewhere on my bicycle and once back home he asked me why I had gone to that place at that time! He really cares!

He always gives me brutally honest feedback (i like it or not).

He grosses me out sometimes with all those in my face burps :-) Nevertheless, thanks to him Im not squeamish!

His full time job is having my back and defending me in all situations, especially against mom :-)

If Im extra nice and practically beg him along with giving food and doing all his chores, he is ready to help me with whatever and whenever.

I can bother or hit him any number of times until he decides to get back...and that is  just 10 times worse :-)

The amount of the inside jokes between us is endless ;-)

We can never stay mad at each other for too long even with all those endless countless meaningless arguments.

I smile because he is my brother. I laugh because there is nothing he can do about it ;-)

Love you loads Anna <3<3

Lets-write-something-stupid day.

Im back after what seems like ages! I know, being busy with life in general and work is not an excuse but a very convenient reason for the laziness that lies beneath! Thanks to everyone who asked me why Im not writing anymore...that was like a kick up my backside and I totally needed that :-)

I cannot dance. 

I cannot sing. 

I lead probably a quiet existence. 

A brilliant blue or an orange hue may not announce my presence. 

Neither drums roll nor curtains fall when I leave. 

I may be a shadow and just come and go as i please.

Well, I knew, today was lets-write-something-stupid-day. 

Why do these words even come into my head when l don't get them myself is beyond my understanding! But I had to get them out or they would just go round and round causing a traffic jam in my brain :-)

My favorite keys

My favourite keys on my laptop are - Delete and Backspace :-)

All kinds of problems go away when I press Delete :-) I use it all the time. Junk e-mail? Delete. Misspellings? Backspace. Unwieldy sentences and confusing paragraphs? Delete...Delete...Backspace. I sometimes wish my life had a Delete key. One click on the keypad and I wipe out an event or some people. Maybe another click and I could start that part of the life all over again :-) And being one who blunders in a grand fashion, I have empathy for others who wish they could go back and start over. Some hurts just can't be undone. Its like putting toothpaste back into the tube :-)

So my best self says to me - "leave it. leave it where it belongs - in the past". Yeah, as they say, its a new day full of promises and new beginnings. And that is something I might forget if life had a delete/backspace key :-)

Love Me - Love Me Not :-)

I read somewhere today that we can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves that we can love!! Its also said that generally there is a lot of pressure in one's culture (in most) which forces people to judge you very easily and fast. These people make us feel as if there is something wrong with us if we’re still single by a certain age or don’t make a certain amount of income or don’t have a commendable social circle or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. This list can go on forever!!

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by such mindless banter happening around me...about me and end up comparing myself to other people. It just tends to get stuck in my head somehow and on many occasions, completely tears apart my self esteem.

Yesterday, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read an email from one of my anonymous blog readers (I'm surprised people do read my posts) telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally!! And if am to go by the intended meaning of that word, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life!!

I get emails like these once in a while from some anonymous person from somewhere around the world, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.

Probably, a little self love doesn't harm us :-)

My wandering mind

My mind works in a funny way! 

It can never accept what comes easy - it always looks for a journey and keeps its gears greasy. It wanders from place to place like a vagabond and never stays for too long on a thought. Its never satisfied with a simple answer :-) It looks for a story with twists and turns as a simple answer is hard to take. It always hopes for more and refuses to learn. Its sometimes like a flowing river - making its path the way it wants while ignoring all cautions. It cuts across creating a lake - but never stays and goes forward.

My mind only hopes for a fresh start every time it moves on - shattering all the logic and memories - and hopes for a new dawn. It never stops to take lessons from what it has lost or gained.

My mind truly works in a funny way :-)

It feels like home

It just sneaks into my life unnoticed.

It feels like an old t-shirt that I keep wearing and suddenly panic when it goes missing or I cannot find it.

It feels like that blanket that I keep snuggling into, the one that has frayed edges, an odd stain but a fragrance of familiarity.

It has hope written all over it. It doesn't look fancy and fabulous yet it is fancy and fabulous.

It feels like the smell of an old book or a melody that is dripping with nostalgia.

It feels like the wind in my hair and the smile on my lips.

Old photographs - definitely feel like home!

Inadequate

No matter what I do, however hard I try....some people, with just their words, make me feel inadequate and good for nothing!!